A Holy Easter season for everyone!
I'm breaking from the norm again here to post something exceptional which a dear Consecrated friend of mine shared with us recently. Another precious one of her poems and letters to God. She is very special in that she continues moment to moment with love, courageously through more hardships and trials of faith than many of us ever do or ever will due to her personal crosses. I felt this particular poem so appropriately fits with Father and this months theme that I wanted to post it.
3/22/14 (Easter Tuesday)
One day I sat and I thought,
"Why the cross?"
When all to me seemed
But a loss
The thoughts in my head
Started to churn
I thought, "something’s here
For me to learn."
But the pain in my heart
Flooded me through
I could only say, "Why'
did it happen to You?"
So some kind Someone
Whom I hold quite dear
Said, “Listen, my child
You have no need to fear."
He said, "Turn to God
And ask Him to help"
I turned and I looked
For someone to tell
Exactly why things happened that way
But I, at a loss, knew not what to say
Then that gentle Voice came back,
"It's understanding, not love that you lack."
So I held up my hands and reached for the sky
But instead of "help" I just squeaked out "why?"
He said, "My child, My ways are not yours;
You don't understand what love was outpoured.
For if you had the slightest clue
Of all My cross has done for you
You would rejoice instead of bewail
That indeed My heart has prevailed.
But all you see is empty pain,
Chaos, distress, sorrow in vain.
You must look up toward me and give
A sigh of thanks that you may live."
And so, I humbly offer praise
To the One Who suffered, died and raised
To the One Who sees my sorrowing
Whose understanding I'm borrowing
So that I can see with Eyes Divine
The gift of His own Heart to mine.
(lstar note: sometimes she hears God's voice in her spirit and it is added below and I comment at the end)
My little child,
Now as for you, silly head…what are we to do with you? Even now you are wavering. You know well that We love you, proclaim it from the rooftops! Sing of it! Dance with it! Revel in it as I revel in your faithful--and undying--love for Me! Remember, I told you, say it over and over again! Say it loudly! Clearly! With confidence, and without the slightest hesitation--you are not being presumptuous. You are being obedient. You must know by now that you are loved, let yourself accept it. Yes, it scares you. You think that once you believe it, it will go away, or prove never to have been true at all. Am I a mere man? Or am I “I AM”? You know God is not fickle, you even thought as much tonight.
I come to you tonight with a challenge: let yourself be vulnerable. Let your heart be open to being loved freely, unconditionally, unreservedly. I know, you’re not used to it, once again you are afraid. Give yourself time. You will come to believe it. Come to freedom. Your heart will fly on the wind of My Spirit, free and, can you believe, happier than you already are! My child, you do not know joy. You have tasted it, but, oh, there is so MUCH MORE, just waiting for you!
So listen closely to what I’m about to tell you, because it is very important:
You are My child
My greatest desire is to love you.
I WILL NOT LET YOU GO.
You are so afraid that in the future you will leave Me. Why? Have you left ME yet? Really left ME? Perdition- planning left ME? The answer is no. In all your years on Earth, yes, you’ve run away. But it was only out of pain and confusion. You’ve never really left Me. There’s a great difference between anger and hatred. The anger I spoke of in the gospel was based on hatred, impatience. Your anger has been based on pain and is therefore understandable. You ask why We have never been angry with you? Listen! I’m trying to tell you! You’ve never sinned out of malice--only out of pain. From least to greatest--only pain. Can a good Father hold that against His beloved child? Yes. You were confused, and confused you still are, but now you are free of so very much. I know you are grateful to be free, believe Me, I know.
Now it’s time for bed, but I want to tell you one last thing” Drink from the cup of freedom. Open your loving, giving heart and receive the Love that gives you life.
---- there is sensitive material in the info about the author below.
This dialogue is an exception for Abbacasita because it is NOT between God the Father and Barbara, but rather with another one of his daughters. What is unique about her is that she was abused extensively as an infant and a child, both in the context of occult, physical and sexual. Not by strangers but by family. Her uncle was a masonic Priest and her father, who sexually abused her, took her to the rituals. Much of this was repressed until her young adult years when her mind and body began to collapse. What is amazing is that, although she was literally brainwashed to believe she was evil and literally brainwashed by them that God hated her through various incomprehensible torturous reinforcements over a long period of time, she became a compassionate person and devout during her time as a youth (even at an unfortunately then rather wayward Catholic school). But her person could not endure the trapped torture it was carrying and it brought her to permanent mental disability (with hallucinations, which often were from actual repressed memories and suicidal compulsive behaviors) and physical disability, (escalating health problems and a severe back injury which now has her in knee braces). Only very recently, did God intervene in such a way that allowed her meds to finally ensure her stability. And then, He began to come to her, in the form of intellectual visions inviting her to an apostolate to assist SRA victims. She has a regular confessor and spiritual director through her parish and she is an active member of the choir, she has always been gifted with music. I share this because it is a glorious testimony of the power of God's Divine Mercy working in her! And because, through her, He teaches us, that abuse makes us "sin" out of pain... not malice... and that is seen very different in the Eyes of God. We identify with the shame but He is begging us not to. He has worked a miracle because it is not humanly possible for her to seek to love Him given her history, not to mention her daily torture that she still endures, and a life of isolation and great antagonism that the discomfort her condition brings to people and relatives. I read her words and I cannot help but think, if she can believe He is good, so can I with my disordered tendencies from my own childhood abuses. We are blessed to know her and God truly answers her prayers. Pray for her! She has a tremendous cross to carry and God uses her sufferings to expiate and save sinners. She struggles constantly with shame and to believe for His glory and to choose to live. Just an example, she was not comfortable at all with my posting this, she doesn't use internet either, but I asked her because I desired it and because I can see how it glorifies Him, so then, she consented.
Lastly, He has recently promised her that she will soon be healed of ALL her illnesses, and she has many serious physical disabilities as well. When God lifts the cross of His chosen victims, it can only be because His prophecy is being fulfilled to Barbara to pray for the consummation and My Plan to be fulfilled, then these tears of yours will be no more (paraphrased 2nd to last paragraph of 5/17/99) .... It means that He is already bringing our restoration and deliverance from the dark kingdom which has enslaved us all. He is already ushering in the Era of Peace where innocent victims will no longer need to suffer. This is a unique sign characteristic of God's spiritual Reign on earth. And perhaps not a coincidence that it began during the pontificate of our current Pope Francis, who according to Conchita of Garabandal, our Lady told her would begin the "end of times" meaning the end of our current era into a new one.